Cardio is Fun?

A week ago I finished my 3 Week Yoga Retreat. I loved those exercises, even though they were hard.  I could feel my body getting stronger. I lost over 10 pounds and 9 inches with that 3 week retreat (don't let the name fool you. I have Fibromyalgia, and that 3 weeks was more like 4 1/2 weeks...) but I finished it. I reported it on Team BeachBody, and then I decided to try a new exercise session. . . and I wanted the t-shirt and the bragging rights that went with it! So I decided to go with "21-Day Fix". 21 days. Another 3-weeker. (4 1/2 weeker wink wink). The promise of a free t-shirt reward. I found my next exercise.

I started with Day 1- Total Body Cardio. Not bad. A little sore, but not bad! 

Day 2 - Still Sore. Oh Good. Upper Body. I can handle this.

Day 3 -  Someone who shall remain nameless forgot to take their meds and now can't walk. No Exercises today!

Day 4 -  Can't walk. No exercises for me today!

Day 5 -  Still can't walk well, but am tired from just sitting around. My BRAIN isn't sick. just my BODY hates me. Oh Good. Pilates.

And then Today...

Day 6 - Cardio Fix. . . NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

And So It Begins...

C - Cats. Because cats are way better than cardio. They smell better and they are all cuddly. No one wants to cuddle after you do cardio! Because you stink! Cats don't mind if you stink though. . . in fact, I think they like it...maybe it's just the salty after-taste.

A- Arms. Have you ever noticed that cardio can't be done without waving your arms all over kingdom come?? It's like your heart won't beat if you don't flag down the passing train! My heart beats hard enough just getting out of bed in the morning! 

R- Rosy Cheeks are a must when one does cardio. I think it comes from holding your breath while trying to keep up with the modifier! 

D- Death Wish. Does this one really need explaining?

I- I want this session to end please . . . and then you hear "Push Yourself!". Uhh.... nope!

O- Oh My Gosh, I'm going to die! I really meant it when I said, "I want this session to end please!" It is also the shape my lips make while trying to breathe!

I- I am wondering if I made the right choice of exercises, because I am dying here! I have to modify the modifier, and I'm still having a hard time. Man this Fibro has totally turned my life upside down! . . . I really want that Free t-shirt! If nothing else gets me through these sessions, this awesome t-shirt promise will!

S- Sucker! Autumn Calabrese and her *BONUS* exercises. Today she was saying how we know she likes to throw a bonus exercise in there! "It's not optional. It's a bonus. Get off your booty and get to work!" I showed her though. I sat on my booty and waved down the passing train!

F- Fetal Position. It's the position I want to take when instructed to take "child's pose" for that 3 second rest I've earned! I don't though. I take a 5-second rest instead. Pretending that I have to "watch" the modifier to see the whole move. 

U- Underwear. Either pick them out or don't wear them. I'll let you decide. 

N- Not your Richard Simmons Cardio! Beach Body Cardio on the 21 day Fix is not Richard Simmons sweatin'-to-the-oldies. It's New Age kick your butt cardio with a swim-suit competitor as the drill sergeant! Richard Simmons was kind to old ladies. Autumn Calabrese doesn't care what your age is. She put a modifier in there for a reason. Get off your booty and MOVE!

And so I finished the whole 30 minutes with not one swear! It's probably because I couldn't breathe. but I finished it! I found that it wasn't as bad as the first Total Body Cardio - who has two thumbs and remembered to take their medicine! 

I even did the dishes when I was done! That's all the energy I had for the day, but I did them. 

I am finding that even though I am in a flare right now, the shakeology is helping with a little added energy. It's also helping me feel a little bit better than I normally do. 

And...

It's getting me one step closer to that sweet free t-shirt! If that isn't a reason to kick my butt .... I mean move my booty every morning, I don't know what is!

Just Kidding!

. . . But I really do want that t-shirt. 

Hard Days and Stupid People

A recurring theme I keep seeing over and over today on different areas of social media, is what to say and to NOT say to someone with a chronic illness. The posts are pretty much the same, varying with the authors personality. And they make me laugh. 

I ask myself repeatedly WHY do people try to tell others how to be well? It seems especially rampant with those that are healthy telling those of us with chronic illness what to do and to not do. Here are a few of my favorites that have happened to me personally...

If you would only try eating Vegan then all your troubles would go away.

This comment cost me a friend, but she wouldn't drop it! She had Type 2 Diabetes (caused by food) so OF COURSE eating healthier made her feel better! After trying to explain 4 different ways to her that I can't eat all that food due to no large intestine, and that I get ... tired blood ..... Fibro fog y'all. sorry.... and need to eat red meat, she got really upset and rather rude. THAT is what the "block" button is for on social media. Some people that cause that much stress in your life do not need to be in your life. Stress averted!

If you would just try *insert supplement name here* then all your troubles will magically disappear. I did it and it worked for me.

Do you know how many pills I already take??? Unless I see/feel/determine a need and my doctor that is monitoring all those meds agrees, I am not adding another pill to my repertoire'. Thanks. but no thanks.

If you would just exercise more... 

This one is just laughable. This last weekend I started on a new round of exercises called 21 day fit. It's for beginner/beginning intermediate NORMAL people. I modify the modifier. After just two days, I woke up Sunday and found out I. Couldn't. Walk. .... neither could I muster the strength to sit on the toilet! Oh how I wished that I had handicapped hand rails in my bathroom. Needless to say I came out in tears from the pain of just trying to stand back up after the pain of trying to sit down. People just don't get it! Exercise does NOT energize us. IT STEALS OUR ENERGY RESERVES! Now I'm not saying be a lump on the couch! Do what you can do, but for heaven's sake, don't over do it to tell people that you DO exercise! They don't understand that exercise isn't refreshing to us. Sometimes it's a death blow.

If you would just push yourself a little bit harder then your body would react and you'd find yourself being able to do it easier!

Please. Just. Please. We are already perfectionists and mourn what we can't do already. We don't need the guilt that comes from your judgments. It doesn't get easier. We may get stronger for awhile, and then we crash, start again, get back up to the strength that we might have had, crash, start again. The task for us is to have the courage and the strength to get back up and keep doing the same thing over and over. . . do you know the definition of Insanity?  Well, we are the walking poster child of the definition.

If you went to this doctor, they helped my *insert relationship here* and they are better now.

Each person, and each disease that affects that person is individual. It's called "co-morbidity". EVEN IF we have exactly the same diseases, in the same areas at the same time and our last name is the same, it is different. We are different. How it affects us is different. How we react to the meds, procedures, stress levels, etc are all different. Allow us to be who we are. Chances are we know more than the doctors do about our own cases anyway. Just because your *relation* got better doesn't mean our bodies will react the same way. We are happy and excited for your relation. Offer instead to scrub our toilets. That would make us giddy!

Maybe if you got a maid your house would be cleaner and it wouldn't stress you out so much.

"Maybe you could offer to be my maid." That'll shut em up! :) hahahaha it needed to be said. As if a maid can clean and have your house stay magically clean. Chances are that the money we would use for a maid is already being spent on medicine, doctors, and therapists for people who say stupid sh**! So there isn't money left over for a maid.

If you'd just tell people 'no' more, then they wouldn't bug you so much (as they ask for only a "small" thing - which most times they don't even realize they are asking!) 

I personally just groan inwardly and roll my eyes. The absurdity and irony is totally lost on these people. 

If I could say one thing to them, and not be the kind of person I don't want to be it would be this...

Won't you be my neighbor?

Lest you think all my people fall into these categories, they don't. Only the obnoxious ones. The others are very kind. They ask how I am doing, and if I need help. They don't get offended by my cancelling plans. Again. They pick up the pieces when I fall apart and run with whatever needs doing.

And my favorite person brings home dinner when I'm too tired to cook after folding two baskets of clothes all day. He is also the same person that hugs me when I cry from pain and frustration. He's also the maid I don't want to afford, and carries me to escape when life gets too "lifey". He's also my chauffeur on days it's too exhausting to drive, my best friend when I feel like everyone just wants another piece of me, and is content to just sit by me quietly and enjoy the day because noise, lights, smells, people and stress get to be too much. He is my bodyguard with sword in hand to protect me, but allows me the graciousness of letting me fight the demon. He knows that he can't fight that fight. That the fight is mine. He is very courageous that way. I know he would fight it if he could. 

If you want to know how to help someone with chronic illness, be like my favorite person. He's got it down. And for that, I love him all the more. 

Thanks Brad. I love you!

Caterpillar . . . Chrysalis . . .and Painted Lady Butterflies

I taught my four youngest children at home instead of sending them to a public school. We homeschooled for 11 years, and I have taught everything from pre-K through trigonometry. I LOVED having my kids home, and I loved teaching them, spending the days watching them learn and have their A-HA moments. They showed me the world through new eyes over and over again! It was a blessing in my life and one of the best and most awesome things that I have ever done! 

And it was HARD!

And it required a sacrifice on my part, but I wouldn't trade those days for anything!

One of the things we (I say "we" because the teacher always learns more than the students!) learned about was the life cycle of the butterfly. Its an awesome thing to teach kids about the life cycle because the butterfly cycle can be observed in a fairly short amount of time. 

We ordered a butterfly kit from Carolina Biological and while we waited for our caterpillars to arrive, we went on nature walks to observe caterpillars in the wild, and identify those little critters that lived in our area. We drew the different species in our nature notebooks, we discussed life cycles of different animals and we did the rest of our studies.

Our butterfly kit FINALLY arrived and we excitedly opened up the big box! Inside was a caterpillar habitat, food, instructions and some cute little caterpillars just waiting to eat and be played with! My kids were thrilled as they let those caterpillars walk on their fingers and get to know them.

After a couple of weeks our little caterpillars were big fat caterpillars! one morning we came down to our school room to find a few crysalis' hanging from the branches. Now the anticipation would begin!

We watched . . . we waited . . . we looked up how long it would take for those baby butterflies to emerge. . .  we waited . . .  patiently . . .  

And then the morning arrived! As we entered the school room, and the kids inspected the habitat, there were these precious butterflies sitting on the branches drying their little wings. The butterflies were very patient as they inspected their world through new eyes.

We observed them for quite awhile, and then the time came to release them out into this big wonderful world we live in. There were four butterflies and four kids, so each of my children were able to release a butterfly.

When we got outside we opened the habitat but the little butterflies just perched on their little branch with no movement. So each child carefully put their hand in the habitat and let a butterfly climb onto their finger. We expected the butterflies to fly away when they got out of their habitat . . But. They. Didn't! 

This behavior surprised me. Nowhere in our studies or the instructions told of this butterfly behavior. We ended up staying outside for over an hour as the butterflies got used to their new world. 

First the butterflies sat on the kids fingers, and then they would take little short flights around the kids, landing on their shirts or on their heads. The butterflies seemed in no hurry to leave. After they were used to flitting. they would go inspect the flowers and then come back to the kids. It was amazing to watch this process. After an hour the butterflies gained the experience and confidence they needed to leave the kids and fly off into the world. . . and then we went back to our studies.    

As I sat here this morning with this sweet memory of my children, I reflected on how those butterflies are like people as we come upon any new experience. 

For me, it's becoming healthy again. For you, it might be a new move with different people, or going to college, or even moving to a new country, job, or family! It might be that you have survived a natural disaster like the sweet people of Texas and their current struggles with Hurricane Harvey. These things can leave us with trepidation and anxiety. Change can be hard! Especially when it moves us out of our comfort zones - our habitat.

When we choose to stay in our situations, we stay stuck!  

Those butterflies, as cute as they were, would not have survived in their habitat for long.

We had caterpillar food. 

They needed nectar! 

We had an enclosed space of about 1x1x1 square feet! 

They had wings and needed to fly! 

We had hands that loved to play with the critters 

and they had wings, that if touched, would become damaged and not allow them to fly and find food. 

It was necessary, even CRITICAL, that those butterflies take the leap, learn to fly, and leave the safety of their habitat.

And so it is with us also!

Our safe spaces provide us with "food" ie; sustenance that might not be the best for our bodies - in my case it would be gluten, sugar and caffeine. When in reality my body really needs NO gluten, natural sugars and vitamins. When I eat this way I feel better, I don't hurt as much, and oddly enough, my mood is better and I'm a much nicer person to be around! But I find that when I am stressed I crave chocolate and diet coke. BUT if I eat that stuff I feel horrible, am not nice and crave the crappy food even more!

What kind of safe space have you made for yourself? Does it keep you away from experiencing something better that the world has to offer you? Is there a better alternative to the choices you are making now? Do you crave things because it eases your stress and is "easier" than doing the healthy alternative?

My habitat, if not clean and organized causes me stress which affects my health. While I don't have the energy to "scrub" my house like I like it, I CAN keep it organized and the garbage cans emptied and the dishes done . . . and the laundry. (pooh. I hate laundry!) But if I do these few things, it reduces my stress which helps my health! So even though it exhausts me at times to do these things, I do them because its worth it! When I choose these activities, I am changing my confined habitat to one that is better for my life!

I REALLY do not like laundry. >:(

What is your habitat? What choices do you make in it so that you can move forward and have peace and happiness? Is it critical for you that you change the condition of YOUR habitat?

Like my children's hands that could damage the wings of their precious butterflies, do we have damaging influences around us that will/can/are holding us back from attaining our freedom or a better life?

I found that I was doing just that! I was allowing - did you see that word? I ALLOWED others to  determine my happiness. Like those cute butterflies I  was hanging around influences that could damage my wings. Some of those influences were  my own thoughts and expectations, actions of others, indecision and being afraid to open a new door to  a new life!

Do you do that?

Do you hang around damaging influences, and refuse to fly?

I hope not. I hope you have the courage to fly!

I have found that as I continue on my journey it becomes necessary that I change. If I don't make the changes then I may just as well not start my journey at all. If I want change to happen, I need to be the change.

While I haven't arrived at my butterfly stage yet, I HAVE moved past the fat caterpillar stage! 

Like that nice scar on my stomach? THAT is from one of my invisible illnesses. After 25 years of suffering from Ulcerative Colitis, I had my large intestine removed and now am the happy owner of a j-pouch after 3 months on an ostomy bag. I love my scar. To me, it means LIFE! . . . my scar is 13 1/2 inches!

I have done Beach Body workouts for a month now and just completed my first round of Yoga! That might not sound like a big deal to most people, but it was a huge hurdle for me to overcome! I've had to start over a few sessions which put me behind about 10 days. But I didn't quit! And I came off the victor! I came in on my own time and slower than most, but I finished none-the-less! When the session was done I put my hands up in "touch-down" formation and cheered for myself! You would cheer too after losing 9.6 pounds and 7 inches in ONE month!!!! SCORE!!!!

Yes, it WAS that big of a deal! Yes, I am learning it's ok to be happy for ME! And yes, I am learning it's ok to be successful!

I am also drinking Shakeology every day and it's helping. I am eating clean - as much as I can - (I was totally stressed today after going to the grocery store AGAIN to get salad fixins for the hubster which he ended up not eating because he got mad that I wasn't doing exactly what he wanted when he wanted it! - after shopping with my 93 year old mom - that's exhausting and a recipe for a migraine every week) that I confess to buying milk chocolate peanut clusters and eating them the whole way home when I really just needed good food and some rest! 

I hope that with my journey I can learn to forgive myself as easily as I can forgive others. I hope as I am developing in my chrysalis that I can emerge as beautiful as those butterflies! That I can love the people around me as much as those little critters appeared to love my children. And I hope that I will have the courage to embrace my new self and all the world has to offer. The awesome thing is that like those little butterflies, I get to bring my little awesome butterfly friends along with me when I emerge. . . 

because they are the ones that have been supporting me through my journey.

Thank you sweetie hubster for putting up with me on all my bad days! And having fun with me on the good ones! 

. . . and one day I will emerge like those beautiful Painted Lady Butterflies!