A recurring theme I keep seeing over and over today on different areas of social media, is what to say and to NOT say to someone with a chronic illness. The posts are pretty much the same, varying with the authors personality. And they make me laugh.
I ask myself repeatedly WHY do people try to tell others how to be well? It seems especially rampant with those that are healthy telling those of us with chronic illness what to do and to not do. Here are a few of my favorites that have happened to me personally...
If you would only try eating Vegan then all your troubles would go away.
This comment cost me a friend, but she wouldn't drop it! She had Type 2 Diabetes (caused by food) so OF COURSE eating healthier made her feel better! After trying to explain 4 different ways to her that I can't eat all that food due to no large intestine, and that I get ... tired blood ..... Fibro fog y'all. sorry.... and need to eat red meat, she got really upset and rather rude. THAT is what the "block" button is for on social media. Some people that cause that much stress in your life do not need to be in your life. Stress averted!
If you would just try *insert supplement name here* then all your troubles will magically disappear. I did it and it worked for me.
Do you know how many pills I already take??? Unless I see/feel/determine a need and my doctor that is monitoring all those meds agrees, I am not adding another pill to my repertoire'. Thanks. but no thanks.
If you would just exercise more...
This one is just laughable. This last weekend I started on a new round of exercises called 21 day fit. It's for beginner/beginning intermediate NORMAL people. I modify the modifier. After just two days, I woke up Sunday and found out I. Couldn't. Walk. .... neither could I muster the strength to sit on the toilet! Oh how I wished that I had handicapped hand rails in my bathroom. Needless to say I came out in tears from the pain of just trying to stand back up after the pain of trying to sit down. People just don't get it! Exercise does NOT energize us. IT STEALS OUR ENERGY RESERVES! Now I'm not saying be a lump on the couch! Do what you can do, but for heaven's sake, don't over do it to tell people that you DO exercise! They don't understand that exercise isn't refreshing to us. Sometimes it's a death blow.
If you would just push yourself a little bit harder then your body would react and you'd find yourself being able to do it easier!
Please. Just. Please. We are already perfectionists and mourn what we can't do already. We don't need the guilt that comes from your judgments. It doesn't get easier. We may get stronger for awhile, and then we crash, start again, get back up to the strength that we might have had, crash, start again. The task for us is to have the courage and the strength to get back up and keep doing the same thing over and over. . . do you know the definition of Insanity? Well, we are the walking poster child of the definition.
If you went to this doctor, they helped my *insert relationship here* and they are better now.
Each person, and each disease that affects that person is individual. It's called "co-morbidity". EVEN IF we have exactly the same diseases, in the same areas at the same time and our last name is the same, it is different. We are different. How it affects us is different. How we react to the meds, procedures, stress levels, etc are all different. Allow us to be who we are. Chances are we know more than the doctors do about our own cases anyway. Just because your *relation* got better doesn't mean our bodies will react the same way. We are happy and excited for your relation. Offer instead to scrub our toilets. That would make us giddy!
Maybe if you got a maid your house would be cleaner and it wouldn't stress you out so much.
"Maybe you could offer to be my maid." That'll shut em up! :) hahahaha it needed to be said. As if a maid can clean and have your house stay magically clean. Chances are that the money we would use for a maid is already being spent on medicine, doctors, and therapists for people who say stupid sh**! So there isn't money left over for a maid.
If you'd just tell people 'no' more, then they wouldn't bug you so much (as they ask for only a "small" thing - which most times they don't even realize they are asking!)
I personally just groan inwardly and roll my eyes. The absurdity and irony is totally lost on these people.
If I could say one thing to them, and not be the kind of person I don't want to be it would be this...
Won't you be my neighbor?
Lest you think all my people fall into these categories, they don't. Only the obnoxious ones. The others are very kind. They ask how I am doing, and if I need help. They don't get offended by my cancelling plans. Again. They pick up the pieces when I fall apart and run with whatever needs doing.
And my favorite person brings home dinner when I'm too tired to cook after folding two baskets of clothes all day. He is also the same person that hugs me when I cry from pain and frustration. He's also the maid I don't want to afford, and carries me to escape when life gets too "lifey". He's also my chauffeur on days it's too exhausting to drive, my best friend when I feel like everyone just wants another piece of me, and is content to just sit by me quietly and enjoy the day because noise, lights, smells, people and stress get to be too much. He is my bodyguard with sword in hand to protect me, but allows me the graciousness of letting me fight the demon. He knows that he can't fight that fight. That the fight is mine. He is very courageous that way. I know he would fight it if he could.
If you want to know how to help someone with chronic illness, be like my favorite person. He's got it down. And for that, I love him all the more.
Thanks Brad. I love you!
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